it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
