Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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