my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
