i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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