I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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