Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
