it hurts more in the daytime
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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