I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
