We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
