The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
