I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
