i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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