is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are the jesus of drinking
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
