The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
