When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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