the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
