THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
