Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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