I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
