So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I want is dick and wine.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
