Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
