i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.