You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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