3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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