I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
