and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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