I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
