She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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