I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i will never coherently bang her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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