Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this will be a night to untag.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
