I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
