TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
