smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
