My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
