I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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