I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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