I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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