i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
