Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
