and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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