new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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