I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
