Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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