I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
