dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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