he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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