Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
