My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
