false alarm. still invincible.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
