That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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