I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize