my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
