my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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