So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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