No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
