I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
