So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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