Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
