if i can run in heels then i can drive
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
