dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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