I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
