What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
