oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
